X-Men: The Animated Series Review – “Captive Hearts”

Previously on X-Men, Sabretooth got all up in everyone’s business; Magneto exploded a chemical plant, putting a lot of people in danger; and Professor X learned that he can’t help everyone all the time. Also, Senator Kelly is running for President of the United States.

As a side-note before we get into all of it, this week’s classic review and next week’s review will be labors of love. I unfortunately lost a battle with a hedge trimmer and am one-handed for ten days. Ten stitches and a splint later and I’m stuck with my left hand only, which is great since I’m left-handed, but it makes typing and lots of other things tougher.

Not-So-Short Summary: All the ladies of the X-Men and Gambit are training in the Danger Room with Professor X telling them that these are not games, that humanity fears them and they must be ready for everything. Also, take it seriously! Don’t forget about what happened to Morph!

The walls of the room start to close in and Storm loses it, her powers creating a blizzard mixed with lightning until everything calms down. She needs to work on her claustrophobia.

Pan over to Wolverine already up and about with Jean Grey chiding him on needing to rest and how Sabretooth almost killed him… you know, minus the fact that he has incredible healing powers and worse things have happened to him. Oh gosh… the “romantic tension” between the two is hilarious. Jean stumbles over an excuse of Scott waiting on her and Wolverine murmurs, “So am I…”

Jean and Scott are leaving a Phantom of the Opera performance and Scott is super wound up like he always is. Then a Morlock shows up (Leech) and steals some fruit so everyone tries to kill him. Turns out, the Morlocks try to kill the humans, so Jean and Cyclops have to protect the humans. They end up getting captured and taken to the sewers of New New York.

Scott wakes up and can see without his glasses and his eyes aren’t exploding. Leech is there and thanks him for his help; this is to make them even–he fixed Scott!

Callisto introduces and explains the Morlocks to Scott. She has footage of his leadership…somehow, because there definitely weren’t cameras during most of what she has, and wants him to rule by her side. Naturally, she has Jean tied up to convince Scott to stay, but conveniently forgot that Jean is telekinetic and starts kicking everyone’s butts. She manages to get a mental SOS to the Professor.

He can pinpoint their location and Rogue, Storm, Gambit, and Wolverine descend into the sewers. Storm’s dealing with her claustrophobia the entire time.

They find Jean immediately, but she’s under a spell and acts like she’s a frightened five-year-old. Wolverine doesn’t fall for the psychic trick, ends up freeing Jean, but Callisto presents them with a presumed-dead Scott. Jean freaks and Wolverine blows the Morlock’s cover who is posing as Scott. I mean, if these guys have all of this stalker footage on Scott, you would think they would look up a thing or two about his teammates.

Fighting ensues with the X-Men theme in the background, so you know it’s good. Wolverine  takes off after one of the Morlocks and stumbles upon Scott. Callisto finds out Wolverine is in love with Jean and uses that against him so he goes after Scott. Jean fends him off and somehow all of this leads into Storm taking on Callisto in a lightsaber battle for leadership of the Morlocks.

Yeah, I don’t get it either.

Storm wins and offers safe haven at Professor X’s Mansion so they don’t have to live in the sewer. They don’t take her up on the offer so she lets Callisto keep ruling them.

Scott and Jean go to Wolverine’s room to thank him for saving them both, but find him missing and his room in shambles. They shouldn’t be so surprised; he does this quite often.

Badass Moment of the Week: Storm gets encased in a mud ball and rather than losing her s$%t, blasts out of it with a crapload of lightning.

Best One-Liner: “Here is mud in your eyes, my subterranean friend!” Gambit exclaims as he throws some cards at a few Morlocks. It’s funnier if you hear it in his Cajun accent. I feel like Gambit’s been keeping this jab close to his chest for some time and this was the perfect opportunity to test it out.

The Danger Room is cool, but now that I’m watching this when I’m older, how expensive is it to repair the room constantly. I mean, realistically, it needs to be some sort of being that can heal like Wolverine for the amount of beating up it gets. Plus, how rich is the Professor? It has to get costly.

Please take a look at this screencap of Gambit and Rogue in swimsuits walking through the mansion. I understand that Gambit’s hand around Rogue is probably on the back of her, but that is a lot of exposed skin for a mutant who can absorb people’s powers…

Watching this, I just realized that the kid who has “The Cure” in The Last Stand was Leech. Now I’m even angrier at that movie. Seriously, I refuse to buy it on blu-ray unless it’s less than $4.

One plot point I should probably mention is Gambit getting hit by Annalee’s hypnotic powers; she makes him believe he has the plague, so he’s recuperating back at the Mansion.

Come back next week when we get our first look at Genosha. Plus, Sabretooth’s got some tricks up his metaphorical, furry sleeve.