19 of the weirdest Batman stories ever told in Batman comics

LONDON, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 22: A Batman costume from the 2012 Dark Knight Rises film worn by Christian Bale and designed by Lindy Hemming is on display at the DC Comics Exhibition: Dawn Of Super Heroes at the O2 Arena on February 22, 2018 in London, England. The exhibition, which opens on February 23rd, features 45 original costumes, models and props used in DC Comics productions including the Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman films. (Photo by Jack Taylor/Getty Images)
LONDON, ENGLAND - FEBRUARY 22: A Batman costume from the 2012 Dark Knight Rises film worn by Christian Bale and designed by Lindy Hemming is on display at the DC Comics Exhibition: Dawn Of Super Heroes at the O2 Arena on February 22, 2018 in London, England. The exhibition, which opens on February 23rd, features 45 original costumes, models and props used in DC Comics productions including the Batman, Wonder Woman and Superman films. (Photo by Jack Taylor/Getty Images) /
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Batman and Black Canary need to get a room

We get it, Batman. You’re a perpetual bachelor with a solid playboy image, yet your constant crime fighting and intense physical training make it hard to actually go on a date. It’s not like you can set up a profile on a dating app, either. Neither the famous billionaire nor the Bat-cowl visages will be much help there.

Still, there are chances to, uh, make a connection. But could you maybe forge said connection somewhere with walls?

This all comes back to All-Star Batman and Robin, helmed by Frank Miller and artists Jim Lee and Scott Williams. There is certainly plenty of crime fighting and moody lighting, but All-Star Batman and Robin is rather famous (or infamous) for its sexual take on Batman.

A warning: that means lots of male gaze and the sense that Frank Miller and company may have enjoyed themselves a bit too much on this jaunt. This series, which was sporadically published between 2005 and 2008, is also the origin of the panel wherein Wayne declares “I’m the [expletive] Batman.”

Dock splinters

In all, critics reacted fairly negatively to All-Star Batman and Robin. Batman comes across as downright sadistic, while the comic glories in mayhem and destruction. It’s the sort of thing that would have given Fredric Wertham a heart attack on the spot.

At least the series is the source of a few quasi-enjoyable weird moments. For one, there’s Batman’s potty mouth, as explained above. Then, there’s the exceedingly odd moment where, after they defeat some standard criminals, Batman and Black Canary abruptly lay down on the docks and … well, you know.

Seems like it would be unpleasantly cold and rainy, not to mention the ever-present danger of splinters. It’s very definitely a low moment in Miller’s script.