7. Eternals (2021)
Eternals was supposed to be the MCU's ambitious leap into a cosmic soap opera that, well, didn't quite stick the landing. Imagine a bunch of immortal beings with god-like powers, hanging out on Earth for thousands of years, doing a whole lot of... well, nothing. I mean, these folks were around during major historical events and just... decided to chill. It's like having Superman at your backyard BBQ and he won't even help flip burgers. Yes, it even deserved a DC reference.
The movie tries to juggle a football team's worth of characters. You've got Ikaris, who's like a wish.com version of Superman; Thena, who gives off a serious "I wish I was in a different movie" vibes; and don't even get me started on poor, sweet Kingo, who's more interested in Bollywood than saving the world. With so many background-rich characters flashing across the screen, it feels like you're at a speed-dating event, but everyone's wearing spandex and talking about their larger-than-you responsibilities. It's hard to get attached when you're just getting snippets of their millennia-spanning stories.
Another huge annoyance regarding this movie is its pacing. Eternals moves like a snail stuck in molasses. It's got more flashbacks than a high school reunion, leaving viewers to bounce between past and present like a time-traveling ping-pong ball. The action scenes, while visually stunning, feel like they're just there because someone remembered, "Oh right, this is a superhero movie." And the big bad? A CGI nightmare (and not in a good way) that wouldn't scare a kitten. And the fact this movie should have been introduced a lot earlier in the timeline and ultimately has led to nowhere only adds insult to injury.
TL;DR - Eternals is like that overambitious potluck dish someone brings - it's supposed to have everything, but you're not quite sure you want to try it.