Whatever a Spider Can’s Amazing X-Men #7 recap

Why on earth is Whatever a Spider Can recapping Amazing X-Men. Is it a shameful attempt to get pageviews with the X-Men: Days of Future Past dominating pop-culture zeitgeist at the moment? Is it because I’ve gone off Spider-Man completely and much prefer the ensemble antics of the X-Men? Well, it’s neither of these things, it’s actually because this is a cross-over issue that features both Firestar and Iceman from the X-Men as well as everyone’s favourite neighbourhood Spider-Man!

The issue starts with a shot of a ‘pik and pay’ shop with lots of speech bubbles, obviously from unknown people inside the shop. Except you kind of know who it is because several X-Men are namedropped like Northstar, Nightcrawler, Wolverine and Beast, as the two X-Men inside the shop (Firestar and Iceman) are dissecting a shopping list they’ve been sent to get on ‘Game Day’. There’s also a Rocket Raccoon reference, he’s eating an oreo.

Firestar and Iceman banter their way through the shop whilst a hapless shop attendant tries to tell them that they’re closed/closing and eventually Firestar remembers she forget to get some ice to which Iceman happily surrenders some upper body ice to the cause. The pair then banter their way out of the shop and into the car-park. There’s a brief bit of bright sunlight that strangely disappears.

The two then find a baby in their shopping-cart, as you do. Iceman warns Firestar not to touch it, but she picks it up anyway. The baby has weird green eyes and Bobby wants to know where it came from and what it wants, Firestar turns all broody and motherly and then someone off-panel tells her to “Drop it sister.”

Of course it’s Spider-Man who reveals he’s beeing chasing the baby all day, and has even followed it across the entire state. Spider-Man demands the baby back but the two X-Men treat him with hostility, particularly Iceman who seems angry at Spider-Man saying ‘You Know’ when asked what’s wrong. Spidey briefly explains his mind-swap with Doc Ock situation and then realises that Firestar has legged it with the baby.

Firestar tries calling child services but Spider-Man stops her revealing that the baby isn’t human. Spider-Man deliberately makes the baby cry to proove that it’s not human, and it begins crying acid which burns Iceman who in turn accidentally freezes some of Wolverine’s car. They then feed the baby oreo’s to make it stop crying. Spider-Man then takes the baby saying something about kick-off and Iceman and Firestar debate whether or not Spider-Man is truly who he says he is and then they take off after him.

Firestar and Iceman try to stop Spider-Man and they eventually trap him in some ice. Spider-Man explains that he needs the baby to trade after guarding something and leaving it for a few moments only to get back and find the baby there. Meanwhile Bobby keeps feeding the baby various bits of confectionary.

The baby then starts breathing fire, melting the ice that has trapped Spider-Man. Spider-Man reveals that the mascot for the game (It’s Game Day after all) is a goat, and that was what he was guarding. However when he got back the baby was there in its place. Theres a funny page of a goat on a spaceship and it’s causing havoc whilst the aliens look all confused. Spider-Man and Firestar banter about the importance of the goat.

Iceman takes the baby’s diaper off causing one hell of an explosion that leaves him full of holes and then the three of them resolve to take the baby back to its real parents whilst discussing the baby’s genders and what to call it. They end up at central park zoo where the alien ship lands and an exchange is made, but only after surrendering a bag of chips to the aliens.

Then there’s a neat little Wolverine cameo as Logan asks Firestar and Iceman where they’ve been and then goes to check on the car because he smells something. He notices the ice and water that was around it and then he finds the baby diaper bomb in the car-boot and is explodes as the comic ends.

Check out Whatever a Spider Can’s other Spidey comic book recaps and reviews
Amazing Spider-Man #1 recap, and review
Amazing Spider-Man: Learning to Crawl #1.1 recap, and review
All-New Ultimates #1 recap, and review
Miles Morales: Ultimate Spider-Man #1 recap, and review

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