Stillanerd Reviews: Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #2 review

A smartphone, possible long-lost sister and coffee date, add up to one very annoying and not-so spectacular Spider-Man.

Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #2

“Sister Act”

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Writer: Chip Zdarsky

Artist: Adam Kubert

Color Artist: Jordie Bellaire

Letterer: VC’s Travis Lanham

Covers: Adam Kubert and Richard Isanvoe; Arthur Adams and Jason Keith; and Jim Lee and Israel Silva, with Michael Kelleher

I try not to take too much stock in comic book previews. Like movie trailers, they’re useful in conveying an idea of what to expect from an upcoming issue. They shouldn’t, however, take the place of an issue itself. They only give us three to four pages of a twenty-page story. All that said, when I read the preview for Chip Zdarsky and Adam Kubert’s second issue of Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man, it shocked me with just how bad it was.

Taking place after Spidey tracks down the source of the Stark smartphone hack in Chicago, he unknowingly arrives at the home Riri Williams, a.k.a. Ironheart. Ironheart, in turn, assumes he’s there to attack her. Realizing his mistake, Spidey attempts to defuse the situation by asking her to make an autograph out to Harry Osborn’s son, Normie.

Credit: Adam Kubert and Jordie Bellaire (Marvel Comics); from Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #2

Just like this Spider-Man, [Chip] Zdarsky is trying way too hard to get a laugh, and fails almost every single time.

At that moment, several questions came to my mind about this one scene. Was Zdarsky going for irony over how Spider-Man acts more like an immature teenager than Riri, who is an actual teenager? Is Zdarsky making fun of Marvel’s own hype for Riri and other Legacy heroes? Is the point to show how heroes can’t stand Spidey because he acts like an idiot all the time? Was Spidey even being earnest when asking Riri for her autograph? Why does Zdarsky think this scene is funny?

Thankfully, Zdarsky doesn’t also make Spider-Man look incompetent, showing him more experienced at fighting than Riri. Moreover, the scene helps clarify and advance the mystery behind how lowly criminals could have these highly encrypted smartphones in their possession. What it also does, unfortunately, is highlight a major problem with this series thus far. Just like this Spider-Man, Zdarsky is trying way too hard to get a laugh — and fails almost every single time.

Credit: Adam Kubert and Jordie Bellaire (Marvel Comics); from Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #2

There’s no common thread tying any of this comic together…Even The Amazing Spider-Man 2, with all its desperate plot threads, was more cohesive than this.

Another problem is the narrative itself. The moment Spider-Man explains about the smartphones to Riri and her A.I. Tony Stark, he gets a call from Johnny Storm, the Human Torch. A few panels later, Peter reunites with his “maybe” (or “maybe not”) sister, Theresa, and we get a two-page recap of the graphic novel, Amazing Spider-Man: Family Business. Another two pages of exposition reveals Theresa joined an offshoot of S.H.I.E.L.D. (called The Gray Blade) and learned they planned on eliminating all super humans. Now, she’s being hunted by this organization for knowing too much.

Once that’s done, Peter leaves, telling Johnny to look after her. His reason for bailing? He wanted to go on his date with Rebecca London as Spider-Man. What follows are pages of Spidey and Rebecca talking about blogs, secret identities and dating. This is followed by interruptions of a rude customer at the coffee shop and, later, Johnny — who tries putting the moves on Spidey’s date.

If you’re asking, “So what besides Spider-Man and the Human Torch links these three plots together?,” the answer is — literally nothing. There’s no common thread tying any of this comic together. It’s just three different scenes shoved together in the hopes that something resembling a story comes out of it. Even The Amazing Spider-Man 2, with all its desperate plot threads, was more cohesive than this.

Worse, we also have one of the most insufferable versions of Spider-Man in print — from his yelling “Wheee!” while hitching a ride on Ironheart’s back, to wearing a blazer over his costume while on his date. Zdarsky’s Peter Parker is an infantile, mewling, oblivious, spastic buffoon. This is a Spider-Man deserving of other’s scorn and ridicule, and certainly no one anyone would ever want to identify with.

Credit: Adam Kubert and Jordie Bellaire (Marvel Comics); from Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #2

This is a Spider-Man deserving of other’s scorn and ridicule, and certainly no one anyone would ever want to identify with.

Not quite as disappointing, but disappointing all the same, is the adequate art from the otherwise excellent Adam Kubert. Yes, his illustrations still look clean and polished in places, and he has a great sense of visual storytelling. At the same time, there are also far too many instances where his figures look either hurried or incomplete. Sometimes, a character has very expressive eyes, only for that same character’s eyes to look like black slits. There’s no variety between body types as everyone appears emaciated, with mouths as elastic as silly putty.

It would be one thing if Zdarsky’s script gave Kubert anything to work with. Since the comic consists of three dialogue scenes, there’s little to no action to speak of. It does have nice background details, and the coloring by Jordie Bellaire is vibrant and sharp. Yet no amount of pretty pictures can disguise the fact that this is some dull, uninspired art. It’s almost unfathomable this is the same artist who did the excellent looking Astonishing Spider-Man and Wolverine from seven years ago.

Look, I appreciate how Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man is attempting to bring Spidey back down to Earth. I also like Zdarsky’s inclusion of the Human Torch (along with Theresa) building off an overlooked story. But after just two issues, his portrayal of Peter Parker is a real misfire. When a writer has a character openly saying how Spider-Man has the worst sense of humor (and he actually does) maybe it’s time for that same writer to scale things back a notch.

Stillanerd’s Score: 2 out of 5.

Next: Stillanerd Reviews: Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #1 review

Stillanerd’s Nerdy Nitpicks (possible spoilers)

Credit: Adam Kubert and Jordie Bellaire (Marvel Comics); from Peter Parker: The Spectacular Spider-Man #2

“I blame … millennials …” But aren’t you a millennial by definition, Spidey, since you’re at least in your mid to late twenties? Are you casting a dispersion on yourself?

“This R-2 unit has a secret message!” Because Marvel can’t help reminding us of how their parent company, Disney, owns Star Wars.

“You’re an un-amazing friend.” Fun fact: Human Torch would’ve been one of the original Spider-Friends in that 1980s cartoon series until, due to legal issues, the creators created Firestar in his place.

Okay, Johnny crack about Peter being “relatable” despite coming from a family of secret agents was a nice burn (pun intended).

Also, nice reminder for why Theresa looks different in this comic, as opposed to Family Business being the result of Mentallo’s powers.

I guess Theresa was also the female S.H.I.E.L.D. agent in the Spectacular Spider-Man back-up in the Free Comic Book Day edition of Secret Empire, too.

Well, it seems J. Jonah Jameson has taken up blogging now. The Marvel Universe is doomed.

I could also add to Theresa’s point that Peter never revealed his identity to Gwen Stacy, and look what happened to her.

Why does the Coffee Bean have a sign quoting the most famous line from Dante’s Inferno?

Um, Ironheart? If you’re able to pinpoint where the Stark phone used to be, then, technically, the phone isn’t “completely untraceable.”

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