Stillanerd’s Retrospective: X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) review

A decade later, the first stand-alone Wolverine movie still doesn’t live up to its character’s motto of, “I’m the best at what I do.”

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Let’s make one thing clear from the outset–X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009) is bad. At times, its laughably bad. Sure, the fourth entry in the cinematic X-Men franchise isn’t the worst superhero movie ever made; it’s certainly not as awful as every single big budget Fantastic Four movie. Yet whether you had the misfortune of watching this movie in theaters ten years ago, or, as a form of self-flagellation, you’ve watched it ten more times since then, you probably asked yourself, “What happened?!” more than once.

In theory, adapting the origin story the most popular X-Man for the silver screen had “box office success” written all over it. Hugh Jackman’s earlier portrayals of Logan made him into a Hollywood star. Barry Windsor-Smith’s “Weapon-X” and Paul Jenkins and Andy Kubert’s Origin, arguably two of the best Wolverine stories ever made, formed the foundation for the script. The marketing promised a proper version of Sabretooth, thus retroactively fixing his depiction in X-Men 1. Finally, it would feature the cinematic debuts of fan favorites, Deadpool and Gambit. Little wonder that, when the movie was first announced at the 2008 San Diego Comic-Con, fans went crazy.

…whether you had the misfortune of watching [X-Men Origins: Wolverine] in theaters ten years ago, or, as a form of self-flagellation, you’ve watched it ten more times since then, you probably asked yourself, “What happened?!” more than once.

That excitement would soon turn to disappointment and outrage once those same fans saw the movie in theaters. Although still commercially successful, the film performed below expectations overseas. Nor did it help that someone leaked the entire film online before its official release date. As Fox also intended X-Men Origins: Wolverine as the first in a series of X-Men Origins films, including a Magneto solo movie, poor reception from critics and audiences put the kibosh on those initial plans.

Like all movies, X-Men Origins does have its defenders, and there are, indeed, aspects about it that are good. After three movies, Jackman has Logan’s personality, mannerisms, and catchphrases down to a science. Just as excellent is Liev Schreiber as Logan’s half-brother, Victor Creed. Every time they’re on-screen together, Jackman and Schreiber’s portrayal of Logan and Victor’s complex mixture of hatred, sibling rivalry, and brotherly devotion for one another is utterly convincing.

They’re not the only good performances, either. Even though he doesn’t resemble Brian Cox in the slightest, Danny Huston does a better job in the role of Colonel William Stryker. Certainly, the movie gives Stryker more consistent motivations than did X2: X-Men United (2003). Also, the (sadly) too brief depiction of Wade Wilson pre-Deadpool transformation provides early evidence for why Ryan Reynolds is the perfect “Merc With a Mouth.” No coincidence either that Wade has the best lines which Reynolds wrote himself.

Logan and Victor participating in every major conflict from the last century, from the American Civil War to Vietnam…[is] an effective story on its own, showing us how their virtual immortality and years of violence affected them psychologically in very different ways.

Even the first five minutes of the movie are great, particularly the opening title sequence showing Logan and Victor participating in every major conflict from the last century, from the American Civil War to Vietnam. It’s an effective story on its own, showing us how their virtual immortality and years of violence affected them psychologically in very different ways. Even better, it also shows how, despite their promise to look after each other, they already started drifting apart before Logan leaves Task Force X. Had director Gavin Hood stuck with that approach, X-Men Origins could’ve been an effective period drama that doubled as a superhero action flick.

That’s not this movie, unfortunately. What do we get instead? Good question, because X-Men Origins: Wolverine doesn’t really know. Is it a story about two brothers? A mutant-based version of The Dirty Dozen? A tragic love story? A revenge fantasy? A conspiracy thriller? Try all of the above. Oh, and it’s also a Cyclops (Tim Pocock) origin story, too. Because that’s what audiences eager for a Wolverine origin story really wanted, right?

Actually, there’s a lot of superfluous characters in this movie, ranging from The Blob (Kevin Durand) to Emma Frost (Tahyna Tozzi). Other characters who seem important to the plot, like John Wraith (Will.I.Am), end up having no bearing whatsoever. Gambit (Taylor Kitsch), in particular, is nothing more than a glorified cameo, who only exists to have a pointless fight with Logan and shuttle him in a prop plane. Also, for someone that’s supposed to be Cajun, he seems to have developed the mutant ability of slipping in-and-out of every Southern dialect but Cajun.

Credit: 20th Century Fox

Bad screenwriting (or lack thereof) are no excuses for the X-Men Origins even worse editing…Even on a shot-by-shot basis, viewers are never allowed to linger on a single image for more than five seconds, even when shown in slow motion.

Then there’s Logan’s designated romantic interest, Kayla Silverfox (Lynn Collins). Supposedly, Logan’s so in love with her that, after believing she’s been murdered by Victor, and failing to avenge her death, he volunteers having adamantium bonded to his skeleton. Later, it’s revealed this was Stryker’s plan all along as (surprise!) he helped fake her death. There’s only one problem: the movie never gives you a reason to care about her at all. We never see how they met, how they came to know one another, or even how they fell in love. Her wearing Logan’s flannel shirt–and nothing else–is all the proper introduction viewers ever get.

Why doesn’t the film properly set up this, you might ask? Well, it’s working with mediocre script for one thing, which was hastily drafted in anticipation of the writer’s strike of 2007, and still underwent constant rewrites during filming.  Bad screenwriting (or lack thereof) are no excuses for the X-Men Origins even worse editing. All too often, Hood interrupts the middle of a scene with an entirely different, disconnected scene before resuming the previous scene. As a result, surprises aren’t just telegraphed, they’re screamed to the heavens. Even on a shot-by-shot basis, viewers are never allowed to linger on a single image for more than five seconds, even when shown in slow motion.

Naturally, this rapid-fire editing is one of two reasons why the action sequences look so mediocre than they otherwise should be. The second reason is because of the shockingly bad CGI effects. For a movie that came out in 2009, Wolverine’s claws look faker than they ever did in the first X-Men movie. Shots with noticeable green screen backdrops look just as bad regardless of lower or higher resolutions. And if you thought the de-aging of Patrick Stewart in X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) resulted in some uncanny valley, it’s an uncanny Grand Canyon in this movie. But hey! At least it’s got some great looking explosions.

Ironically, Weapon XI acts as a microcosm for the movie itself. Like the character of Wade Wilson, X-Men Origins: Wolverine begins strong then devolves into an unsightly parody of itself.

But of course, the most infamous moment from X-Men Origins, the one everyone remembers but wishes they could forget, is Wade’s transformation into Weapon XI, a.k.a. “The Dead Pool,” a.k.a. “Baraka-Pool.” Despite warnings from Reynolds, none of the Fox Studio execs apparently understood that turning Deadpool into someone who bore no resemblance to Deadpool would be seen by comic book fans as a symbolic middle finger. Also, Weapon XI makes for a pretty flimsy excuse for having Logan and Victor team-up at the end.

Ironically, Weapon XI acts as a microcosm for the movie itself. Like the character of Wade Wilson, X-Men Origins: Wolverine begins strong then devolves into an unsightly parody of itself. And like Logan decapitating Weapon XI in the climax, fans believed this movie also killed Fox’s X-Men movie franchise. Little wonder, too, why those who advocated for Marvel buying back the film rights from Fox, prior to their merger, cited this film as the reason why. For X-Men Origins: Wolverine is just as bad as you remember, it’s as bad now, and will always, always be bad.

Fortunately for Fox, something would happen a mere two years later that would revive the X-Men franchise from the brink of cinematic death. And interestingly enough, it’s salvation would take the form of yet another prequel.